| We will never succeed at changing ourselves by | | | | When we begin to understand our anger, when we |
| trying to change ourselves directly. We must do it | | | | embrace our anger, we begin to embrace ourselves. |
| indirectly. By indirectly means merely watching our | | | | Until we accept anger for what it is, we will never |
| anger instead of trying to rid ourselves of it, because | | | | love ourselves; and until we can love ourselves, we |
| attempts to aggressively change ourselves into | | | | will never truly love another. Humility is the result of |
| something we wish ourselves to be results in faking | | | | seeing anger not as a part of you, but as you. Only |
| ourselves out. | | | | then can you surrender to the undeniable fact of |
| It works like this; we say that we will no longer be | | | | what you are. There is no "you" standing apart from |
| controlled by our anger. "There, that's settled, I don't | | | | the anger. There is no "you' standing apart from |
| have to worry about my anger any longer." Until, of | | | | anything. |
| course, someone disrespects us in some way. We | | | | We are now talking about changing deep-seated |
| had conveniently "solved" our problem by trying to kill | | | | tendencies. This is not the same as changing yourself |
| it rather than understand it, and this doesn't work; it | | | | from a student to a skilled physician by studying in |
| doesn't work with relationships, and it certainly | | | | school. You will be studying your "self," and will be |
| doesn't work with personal problems. | | | | able to see clearly the difference between ambition, |
| Maybe you have been trying to control your anger | | | | on one hand, and doing only what needs to be done, |
| for some time, realizing how anger can have | | | | on the other. Ambition and aggressiveness must |
| long-term consequences; not only for yourself but | | | | eventually surrender to peace if anger is to be |
| also for everyone you love. And perhaps you have | | | | overcome, and all acceptance is the doorway to |
| become quite familiar with your anger and how it | | | | peace. You must realize and accept what you are |
| works, aware of the physical sensations -- the rising | | | | before you can change what you are, otherwise, you |
| blood pressure, the flurry of thoughts, the extreme | | | | will be in a constant state of denial, and no progress |
| desire to react -- but have you been quick enough to | | | | will ever be made. |
| see how anger cannot arise without the process of | | | | The root cause of anger, and all of our problems, is |
| thought; without thinking? | | | | fear. Until fear is understood, anger will be difficult to |
| It seems as though the anger arises spontaneously, | | | | control. We are fearful about our image of ourselves. |
| but it doesn't. Fear arises spontaneously. Then fear, | | | | We have built up our image and when someone |
| accompanied by thought, changes into anger. For | | | | disrespects it, we become very fearful, insecure, and |
| anger to arise, we must think about the situating, | | | | afraid that our supposed power is diminished. This is |
| even if only for a moment. Then the anger, now fed | | | | all illusion; this is a psychological construction of the |
| with thoughts, moves into action. Anger is what you | | | | mind. We trick ourselves. |
| are in that moment; you are not angry, anger is all of | | | | If you are serious about these things, if you want to |
| you. This is a fact, and cannot be denied. Do not | | | | understand the tricks, you must work on your mind |
| deceive yourself by thinking that it is otherwise, that | | | | to strengthen its powers of observation. To see into |
| you are better than that, or that becoming angry | | | | yourself, into your very soul, to know all the things |
| was only a slip-up. | | | | that cause so many problems, you must train your |
| Anger is the crux of it, and by an objective | | | | mind to observe without yourself in the way. This |
| observation of the raw fear that precedes anger, | | | | takes a real combatant to pull off - the cool |
| you leave yourself no choice but to surrender to | | | | awareness of seasoned warrior. A calm mind is never |
| what you are about to become. No excuses. An | | | | fearful. |
| angry person is a very fearful person, and that's | | | | Anger Mismanagement |
| okay. We are all fearful at times; we just react | | | | Copyright © E. Raymond Rock 2006. |
| differently. | | | | |