| If you're a man, you've probably spent considerable | | | | been a serial killer) to use her cell phone to call his |
| time avoiding the subject of diamonds. To her they | | | | mother who was out of town who in turn called you |
| are coveted sparkling jewels, to you they are bits of | | | | at the poker game when someone finally heard the |
| carbon. Besides, you could get a big screen TV or a | | | | phone and answered. You won thousands of dollars |
| fishing boat instead. But how long will that TV be | | | | prior to the call that interrupted your fun. Solution: |
| state of the art? I can tell you the diamond will | | | | You need to buy a diamond tennis bracelet or |
| outlast you, your marriage, your family and all of | | | | diamond pendant for your wife and buy your son the |
| mankind. And while you can't hand down a fishing | | | | gadget of his choice. You now know you can buy |
| boat for generations, a diamond makes a nice family | | | | forgiveness and it's a liberating feeling. |
| heirloom. | | | | - Man Dilemma: Your wife, girlfriend, significant |
| But even more important, you can use them to | | | | complains that you never share your feelings and |
| make amends, to resolve an argument and for other | | | | wants you to "talk" more often and openly about |
| things that I'll have to leave to your imagination which | | | | your "feelings". Solution: You can buy diamonds and |
| I'm sure is quite vivid in the area I'm referring to. | | | | not have to utter a word about how you "feel". Just |
| Below is a list of typical sins. They are probably not | | | | hand over the box and watch the jaw drop. If you |
| sins you have committed word for word. But you've | | | | can muster a sappy look on your face you'll score |
| probably had a violation or two that is similar. This is | | | | even more brownie points and this, along with a gift |
| just a guide to how you might overcome some of | | | | of beautiful diamonds, will translate into "getting in |
| your shortcomings with minimal effort. And while you | | | | touch with your feelings" from a woman's point of |
| may not actually have any shortcomings, I assure | | | | view. It will be 5 years before she ever brings it up |
| you your wife/girlfriend/significant other thinks you | | | | again at which point you will repeat the above |
| do and has made it the topic of conversation with | | | | process but this time with a more substantial gift, |
| girlfriends at some point in the past year. | | | | guaranteeing the subject will be buried for another |
| So not only will a diamond resolve things with your | | | | 5-10 years. She will be old and with a foot practically |
| bride, you'll look like the "awesome guy" to all the | | | | in her grave before she ever figures out there was a |
| women in the neighborhood including the hottie | | | | pattern of non confession of your actual feelings and |
| divorcee at the pool who can still make men melt | | | | by then you'll be stricken with dementia and prone to |
| when she wears that string bikini. (Hey, you're just | | | | fits of tears anyway. |
| looking and you do still have a pulse.) | | | | - Man Goof: You forgot the 40th birthday, an |
| Here are the sins and a gauge on how to make up | | | | important event or an anniversary that celebrates an |
| for them: | | | | important year, (10th, 15th, 20th, 25th.....) |
| - Minor Man Goof: You forgot to mow the lawn. | | | | Solution:There is actually an established historical |
| Solution: Okay, it's a slip up, it won't cost you any | | | | precedent for this. It will cost you 2.10ct for the |
| carat output. | | | | center diamond and an additional 1.0cts in side |
| - Medium-High Man Goof: You forgot to mow the | | | | diamonds for a total of 3cts in diamonds. |
| lawn and now local cows are eyeing your lawn as | | | | - Major League Man Goof:You had a hot, lurid, |
| potential pasture grazing territory. While neglecting | | | | steamy affair. Solution: Oh my, this is a big one. You |
| this chore and other "honey do" list chores, you had | | | | could not have satisfied that male menopause with a |
| male-bonding friends over to watch the races, spilled | | | | hot new sports car? And exactly how did you think |
| salsa on the suede couch, got beer on the new | | | | this would turn out anyway? You have a home |
| wallpaper, burned a hole in the new Tibetan rug with | | | | equity loan, right? I suggest you scoot your rear on |
| a cigar. Solution: You need to buy diamond earrings | | | | down to the bank and use it post haste to buy the |
| from 1.50ctw (carat total weight) to 2ctw. That | | | | largest and most impressive diamond jewelry bauble |
| means each diamond earring needs to be from .75cts | | | | money can buy. You might have to even get a pink |
| to 1.00ct. Do not buy "promotional" diamonds. Adjust | | | | diamond. Hey, it worked for Kobe. And you'd |
| the carat weight according to your income level, the | | | | probably get out cheaper than you would if you did |
| level of tolerance your wife has for your misdeeds | | | | the divorce thing. Perhaps you read this in time to |
| and how long you're able to survive with no activity | | | | curtail the possibility of an affair. And if that's the |
| in the bedroom. Larger diamonds make larger amends | | | | case, I have done my community service. |
| and reap bigger rewards. | | | | As you can see, you can utilize to your advantage |
| - Man Goof: You went to a poker game with some | | | | "her" soft spot for diamonds to meet some goals of |
| buddies and forgot to pick up your teenaged son | | | | your own and insure a fabulous relationship. Who |
| from basketball practice. It was a cold night and he | | | | says you can't buy love? It's a win/win situation albeit |
| was standing alone at the practice venue for an hour. | | | | not one recommended by most marriage counselors. |
| His cell phone was not in his gym bag and he had to | | | | Over ten million men have found this method |
| flag down a stranger in a car on the road (could have | | | | effective. Now, who would argue with 10 million men? |