| There's gotta be a millions of articles about | | | | settle for second best regarding that tremendous, |
| relationships. Books, too. If you are thinking about | | | | exhilarating feeling of freedom that maybe once in |
| writing a book, put "relationship" in the title and you | | | | our lifetime we experienced - that feeling called |
| will have agents beating down your door! Instead of | | | | unconditional love where we would sacrifice our lives, |
| "How to Fix a Toilet," title you book, "How to Have a | | | | maybe even kill for our beloved. It's hard to fathom |
| Good Relationship With Your Toilet While Fixing It!" | | | | that in time, that feeling might change to where we |
| See what I mean? | | | | want to kill our beloved! |
| Because there seems to be a delusionary common | | | | And this now brings us to the point of discussing |
| thread running through all of the articles and books | | | | feelings. |
| about relationships, I thought that I would, as usual, | | | | Feelings come and go, just as thoughts and emotions |
| wander off the beaten path for just a moment and | | | | come and go. When we act on a thought, emotion |
| discuss relationships from a completely skewed view | | | | or feeling, we are responsible for all that washes |
| (skewed from the standpoint of ideas that we call | | | | over us because of that reaction. And usually the |
| normal). | | | | aftermath of acting on a strong emotion or feeling is |
| This article involves romantic relationships, at least | | | | tenfold more disturbing than the initial feeling of |
| that's what they are in the beginning, and explores | | | | exuberance - or anger. There is nothing wrong with |
| what it is that puts us temporarily under anesthesia | | | | the feelings; they just happen. it is what we do with |
| where we become completely insane about the sight, | | | | them that matters deeply. |
| smell, taste, sound or thought of our beloved. | | | | Nature's provision of temporary insanity between |
| Can you remember those first few months, when | | | | lovers insures procreation of the species. However, |
| separation from her or him was pure torture? Where | | | | lovers don't understand this, and when that first |
| there were not two bodies but only a single body | | | | moment of boredom comes up in their romantic |
| with four arms and four legs - no separation of | | | | relationship, rather than accept the fact that the love |
| thought, emotion or feelings? You and your partner | | | | dream is ending, what do lovers do? They plan out |
| were truly one. | | | | their future! This allays the boredom and allows them |
| What caused that! It didn't come from thinking or | | | | to pretend that their feelings of love can continue. |
| planning. It came from out of the blue. And not only | | | | This is the first step of delusion. This is where |
| that, it was so strong that it completely floored you. | | | | thought takes the place of the real, initial feeling of |
| And right away, perhaps you made the mistake of | | | | love, and where a huge displacement of reality takes |
| saying the "you" were in love. | | | | place. |
| "We" are never in love; love just happens. It comes | | | | Then, the relationship, if it continues, becomes more |
| on it's own and when the time is right, it goes away | | | | or less a dependency in order to fill a void or hole in |
| on its own regardless of how we feel about it. By | | | | each other - all justified by social and religious mores. |
| then, however, commitments are made, social and | | | | The couple, still dazed from their initial feelings of |
| religious mores are mechanically set into motion, and | | | | freedom, which is love, now buy into the whole |
| regardless of how restricted we may feel, or | | | | scenario of social responsibility. And the divorce rate |
| dependent, or attached, or all of the other feelings | | | | continues at about fifty percent! |
| that arise when the initial intense love feeling goes | | | | Admitting that a mature relationship has nothing to |
| away - we are stuck. | | | | do with romantic love, and everything to do with |
| The arrival of the first child usually wipes out any | | | | mutual dependency (taking care of each other's |
| romantic notions, if they hadn't been crunched | | | | needs), goes a long way in cementing a long term |
| already. (Please remember that I am talking about | | | | relationship. So the next time you are about to tell |
| the incredible, impossible to maintain feeling of | | | | your partner that you love them, simply say instead |
| romantic love, not the mature, almost business-like | | | | that, "I depend on you to fill a void in myself, |
| arrangements of a mature relationship based on | | | | therefore I love myself more than you!" Well, it's true |
| mutual trust and compassion for the other person, | | | | isn't it? If you say no, then you might be in a serious |
| along with the responsibility of raising children). But | | | | state of denial or delusion! |
| the romantic love, at least the way it was first felt, | | | | So, what then is the most important thing in a |
| will never come back in exactly the same way. | | | | romantic relationship? |
| Some people, understanding this, go from partner to | | | | The most important thing in a romantic relationship is |
| partner never making any commitments because | | | | understanding how our minds and emotions work. |
| they know that the initial rush of a love affair will die | | | | Understanding that all things change. And |
| quickly. And when it does, they can then go and find | | | | understanding that whatever we do based on |
| another. Of course, the problem is that like | | | | feelings, emotions and, yes, even thought, will more |
| mainstreaming heroin, it takes more and more for | | | | often than not eventually come back around to bite |
| less and less, and pretty soon the senses become | | | | us. But how can we live without feelings, emotions |
| desensitized and romantic love dies for good | | | | and thought? |
| regardless of how creative we are in attempting to | | | | Living beyond knee-jerk reactions brought on |
| dredge it back up. | | | | feelings, emotions, and thoughts is possible; it's called |
| Either way - getting involved in a lifetime | | | | living by insight and wisdom. |
| commitment based on an initial rush of love, or | | | | And these two, insight and wisdom, are the doors to |
| playing love until it is exhausted - we must eventually | | | | real, never-ending, unconditional love. |