| Well, the people of Nebraska and Kansas must finally | | | | been nicknamed DU.des. It has been reported some |
| be towing the line...and we are all going to see the | | | | of the first teachings of the new group have already |
| benefits!LINCOLN, Neb. -- Meteorologists at the | | | | been written. One is "DU NOT unto others as you |
| National Weather Service office in Hastings are | | | | have seen them DU it unto you, " and "DU not be |
| feeling lucky this year.The 30-county area they serve | | | | afraid, I have overcome the world." Stuff like that. |
| in central Nebraska and north-central Kansas hasn't | | | | This is theological history in the making! DU believe in |
| had a confirmed tornado for the first six months of | | | | miracles? Man DU we! Pass the plate...I |
| this year. That hasn't happened since 1950"It's quite | | | | believe!Reports of an even larger group of |
| unusual," said Steve Kisner, warning coordination | | | | NeKansasians heading to Gaza are coming in. A small |
| meteorologist in the Hastings office. "We're glad | | | | group did attempt to go Israel , but was turned |
| Mother Nature is keeping everybody safe -- again | | | | away and threatened with extinction if they did not |
| showing the unpredictability of the weather."Between | | | | provide free copies of the Wizard of Oz to all |
| five and 10 tornadoes usually hit the office's | | | | members of the government. There is currently a |
| coverage area between Jan. 1 and June 30, Kisner | | | | stand off over this issue and the Nekansasians are |
| said.Tornadoes are especially common in the | | | | asking politely that Israel return Dorothy's red shoes |
| 30-county area because they are in the northern part | | | | which were taken years ago in a raid on Nebraska |
| of Tornado Alley, a tornado-prone region stretching | | | | that went virtually reported in the news. Israel said |
| from West Texas to North Dakota.It's not often | | | | they did not respond well to such demands on them |
| that God lets such a large area off the "To Be | | | | and had the Nekansasians needed to understand that |
| Smitten" list, but dang if Kansas and Nebraska have | | | | Israel was quite comfortable with it's role in smiting |
| not won the "We Finally Get the Point" award! | | | | the nations around them. After being threatened with |
| Congratulations!Obviously we need to find out just | | | | being kidnapped and imprisoned, the Arch Angel |
| what it is that these two states have finally done as | | | | Gabriel intervened and translated the Nekansasians in |
| a people to qualify for not being smitten for their sins | | | | Chariots of Fire to North Korea for talks with He |
| this year. Now please understand, the not to be | | | | Flung Dung, head of North Korea's small public |
| smitten list is a yearly thing and all locations on earth | | | | relations firm.The Nekansasians are being greeted as |
| are evaluated on a yearly basis. Just because you | | | | saviors in Gaza and studies on how not to be smitten |
| got off the hook this year, does not mean you will | | | | are springing up all over Gaza...in fact, all over the |
| spared next year. But for now, you did good and we | | | | world as tired smitees yearn to learn just what it will |
| expect that one year of NOT being smitten by the | | | | take to get the Deity off their case. Gaza is a |
| Deity will prove to be a real turning point in human | | | | particularly difficult problem because the Deity is using |
| history and theology.Striking while the iron is hot, | | | | actual humans, just like Palestinians claim to be, to do |
| missionaries are spreading out from Kansas and | | | | the smitting. Althought the Nekansasians are only |
| Nebraska to all parts of the globe and sharing just | | | | used to being directly smitten by the Deity Himself, |
| exactly what it was they did right to not be smitten | | | | they are familiar with the how the Deity used his |
| by the Deity, as so many, if not most others places | | | | chosen ones to smite the nations around them in the |
| on the planet are continuing to be. One contingent | | | | Old Testament. The Nekansasian Father's assured |
| has gone to New Orleans with the good news and | | | | those in Gaza this will not be a part of their theology |
| many are heading to the Gulf Coast in general with | | | | and love is in the air.So stay tuned for more on this |
| the hopes of thwarting the now up and running | | | | late breaking and incredible news. Once again, neither |
| hurricane season. Insurance companies are footing | | | | Nebraska nor Kansas have been smitten by the Deity |
| the bill for the NeKansasians, as the new religion they | | | | even once this year and as a result a new religion |
| will spread is now being called by the hopeful masses. | | | | has broken out and is spreading around the world as |
| A major group from Kansas City is heading to Iraq | | | | Nekansasians, as they are now being called, teach |
| wearing protective, bullet and bomb proof Depleted | | | | the world to sing and avoid being smitten oft for |
| Uranium suits in place of robes, just to be safe. Word | | | | their transgressions from on high. |
| is out already that these Nekansasians have already | | | | |