| Gautama Buddha | | | | MS: As a prince, you had it all. Your father, King |
| Born 563 B.C. | | | | Suddhodana, even arranged a marriage to a |
| Died 483 B.C. (Approximate Dates) | | | | wonderful gal. But you left it all behind. Why? |
| Buddha was born a privileged prince named | | | | B: At the age of twenty-nine I finally looked beyond |
| Siddhartha Gautama in Nepal. He lived a luxurious life | | | | the walls of the palace. There I saw the four sights. |
| with his wife, Princess Yasodhara, till the age of | | | | MS: An old crippled guy, a diseased dude, a decayed, |
| twenty-nine, when he realized he'd never stepped | | | | nasty corpse, and an ascetic, right? |
| foot outside the palace gates and might actually like | | | | B: The truth of life: that death, disease, age, and pain |
| to take a look around. Seeing poverty and death for | | | | are inescapable. Poor outnumber the wealthy, and |
| the first time, he began to wonder not only how the | | | | the pleasures of the rich eventually come to nothing. |
| other half lives, but how to attain a state beyond | | | | MS: That is deep. Though I'm not sure if I saw these |
| birth, death, or even desire. (If it were me, I would | | | | things I'd leave all my possessions -- and inheritance -- |
| have run back inside to the grand buffet.) | | | | to become a monk. |
| Leaving the palace behind, he dabbled for six years in | | | | B: You may or may not choose to walk in my |
| meditation, extreme asceticism, and self-mortification, | | | | footsteps. Remember that thousands of candles can |
| rejecting them all for moderation. After one particular | | | | be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the |
| stint of mind-blowing contemplation under a tree, he | | | | candle will not be shortened. Happiness never |
| attained Enlightenment, and became known simply as | | | | decreases by being shared. |
| the Buddha. His spiritual awakening gave him brilliant | | | | MS: Apparently -- Buddhas crop up like weeds. Some |
| insight into the nature and cause of human suffering, | | | | say you're the seventh Buddha, others the twenty- |
| and a knowledge of how to become happy. The | | | | fifth, and maybe the fourth. Which are ya? |
| Buddha's goal, then, was to teach his new philosophy | | | | B: The incarnation of a Buddha begins long before his |
| to the masses -- or at least a few good men along | | | | birth, and continues moons beyond his death. In fact, |
| the road. | | | | millions of lives have walked the Bodhisattva path on |
| The aim of Buddhism is to attain true enlightenment, | | | | the road to nirvana. If you want a number, simply |
| or nirvana: a peaceful state where the individual is | | | | pick one, and I'll wear it on the back of my Buddha |
| free from desire and self-consciousness. Passed | | | | uniform. |
| down by oral tradition for hundreds of years after his | | | | MS: OK, more importantly, who's the next one? |
| death, Buddha (whose name literally means | | | | B: Like I'd tell you. I can share this: His name will be |
| "enlightened one" or "awakened one") had a message | | | | Maitreya, and he'll appear after Shakyamuni's |
| of love as the eternal rule, common sense, and | | | | teachings have disappeared from the world. |
| focusing the mind on the present moment. For the | | | | MS: Yeah, that helps. Listen, I hope you're not |
| last fifty years of his life, Buddha spread the word | | | | offended by this, but I keep reading about how you |
| through out India to pretty much anyone who would | | | | were competent in martial arts and hiked for miles |
| listen: nobles, outcasts, common folk, and leaders of | | | | each day. So how come you were, ya know, so fat? |
| other religious faiths. His philosophy was open to all, | | | | B: Yes, you are mistaking me for someone else. |
| and he made thousands of converts during his | | | | MS: The jolly, laughing Buddha with the potbelly. |
| travels. | | | | That's not you? |
| The largest concentration of Buddhists in the world | | | | B: I'm afraid you are describing a character called |
| today resides in eastern Asia. In India, Hinduism has | | | | Hotei, usually seen in China. He is a representation of |
| absorbed many of Buddha's ideas, and many Muslims | | | | an obese, medieval Chinese monk. I was quite fit. |
| believe Siddhartha is a prophet of Islam. Point being, | | | | MS: Really? Well, can you clear up any other |
| there's plenty of Buddha to go around . . . In fact, | | | | misconceptions about yourself? |
| estimates put followers at around four hundred | | | | B: My eyes were blue, I had fine, curly hair -- yes, |
| million, making Buddhism the sixth largest religion on | | | | hair -- and rather than being the chowhound you may |
| the planet. | | | | have imagined, I was indifferent to hunger, |
| Michael Stusser: I gotta say, you are one happy fella. | | | | environmental conditions, and all bodily appetites. |
| Buddha: And for good reason: All that we are is the | | | | MS: So, no Pringles, then? |
| result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or | | | | B: No, thank you. |
| acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man | | | | MS: And if I rub your belly? |
| speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness | | | | B: Our interview will cease. |
| follows him, like a shadow that never leaves. | | | | MS: There are a lot of "nightstand Buddhists" -- |
| MS: That explains why my back is killin' me, huh? | | | | freelance Buddhists looking for a quick fix. Some inner |
| B: Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely | | | | peace. Is that cool with you? |
| find peace. | | | | B: There are only two mistakes one can make along |
| MS: Speaking of peace, what do you think of all the | | | | the road to truth: not going all the way, and not |
| statues and key chains and T-shirts of you in hipster | | | | starting. |
| gift shops? | | | | MS: You really are the real deal. |
| B: If they bring about spiritual enlightenment, I'm | | | | B: Remember: Health is the greatest gift, |
| happy to be the icon for self-reflection. | | | | contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the |
| MS: But did you see the Buddha tankini from | | | | best relationship. |
| Victoria's Secret? | | | | MS: I'm OK with a lot of this, but you were celibate |
| B: So long as it is not toilet paper, I am at peace. | | | | from the age of twenty-nine until your death. Is that |
| [There is a long, awkward silence. Two more hours | | | | part completely necessary? |
| pass.] | | | | B: Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or |
| MS: Ever hear of the band Nirvana? | | | | who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it |
| B: A band of enlightened brothers? | | | | agrees with your own reason and your own common |
| MS: No, a hard-rock group from Seattle. | | | | sense. |
| B: I have many devoted followers in Seattle. | | | | MS: Uh, it doesn't. |
| MS: Try and make 'em give up coffee, we'll see how | | | | B: And it doesn't mean that you will ever awaken |
| long they stay enlightened. | | | | from the slumber of ignorance in this life or the next. |
| B: Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind | | | | MS: Sex just seems like one of those things that's on |
| speech, and a life of service and compassion are the | | | | my mind a lot, that's all. |
| things which renew humanity. | | | | B: However many holy words you read, however |
| MS: Point well-taken. Say, odd question, perhaps, but | | | | many you speak, what good will they do you if you |
| are you a god? | | | | do not act upon them? |
| B: I consider myself a guide -- a teacher. But try and | | | | MS: Or don't act, in this case. |
| understand that there is no intermediary between | | | | B: Remember this: What we think, we become. |
| mankind and the divine. People create distinctions out | | | | MS: Then right now I'm a triple tall vanilla latte. I'm |
| of their own minds and then believe them to be true. | | | | going to assume you don't want one . . . |
| In the sky, for example, there is no distinction | | | | [The Buddha is still and quiet.] |
| between east and west. | | | | MS: Your last words were, "All things must pass |
| MS: Let's say I wanted to take a beginner's Buddhism | | | | away. Strive for your own salvation with diligence." |
| class. Where would I start? | | | | B: Yes. |
| B: The secret of health for both mind and body is | | | | MS: Well, dude, that was a George Harrison tune! |
| not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the | | | | From the Beatles? |
| future, but to live the present moment wisely and | | | | B: Beetles, boars, men, and women can all learn from |
| earnestly. | | | | my inner peace. |
| MS: To be honest, I'm thinking about all the errands I | | | | MS: All right, but I gotta get you this CD. There are |
| need to run this weekend. I've got this bum | | | | some things even I can teach the Buddha. |
| lawnmower that -- | | | | B: And let me turn you on to a state beyond |
| B: Focus here, young man. The quiet. The tea before | | | | suffering, called true Nirvana. |
| you. The sun as it streams into this room. | | | | MS: So you do dig music! That's awesome! |
| MS: But so much of your focus is on suffering. You're | | | | B: You have much to learn. Of this I'm sure. |
| like a Jewish mother . . . | | | | Copyright © Michael A. Stusser, 2007 |
| B: Think of the suffering as identifying the disease. | | | | The above is an excerpt from the book The Dead |
| First we diagnose the problem, and more importantly, | | | | Guy Interviews by Michael A. Stusser Published by |
| we prescribe the cure. | | | | Penguin; September 2007;$14.00US/$16.50CAN; |
| MS: More suffering? | | | | 978-0-14-311227-3 Copyright © Michael A. |
| B: Now it is you who are kvetching like a Jewish | | | | Stusser, 2007 |
| bubbe. The road that leads out of suffering is the | | | | Author |
| Noble Eightfold Path. | | | | Michael A. Stusser is a Seattle-based writer and game |
| MS: All right, give 'em to me. | | | | inventor. His "Accidental Parent" column (ParentMap |
| B: The Eightfold Path: proper understanding, proper | | | | magazine) recently won the prestigious Gold Award |
| thought, proper speech, proper action, proper | | | | from the Parenting Publications of America. Stusser is |
| livelihood, proper effort, proper mindfulness, and | | | | a contributing writer for mental_floss and Seattle |
| proper concentration. | | | | Magazine, and his work is frequently published by |
| MS: I'm sorry, what was that last one? | | | | Law & Politics, Yoga International Magazine, and Go |
| B: Proper concentra -- HA! A joke from a young mind. | | | | World Travel Magazine. |
| This is a beautiful example of proper effort, but your | | | | Stusser is also the cocreator of The Doonesbury |
| understanding is faulty. This will take time. | | | | Game with Garry Trudeau (winner for "Best Party |
| MS: So the Buddha goes into a pizza shop and says, | | | | Game of the Year," GAMES magazine, 1994); |
| "Make me one with everything." | | | | EARTHALERT, The Active Environmental Game; and |
| [There is a long pause. Like, painfully long.] | | | | Hear Me Out. |