| Gautama Buddha
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| | marriage to a wonderful gal. But you left
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| Born 563 B.C.
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| | it all behind. Why?
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| Died 483 B.C. (Approximate Dates)
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| | B: At the age of twenty-nine I finally
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| Buddha was born a privileged prince named
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| | looked beyond the walls of the palace.
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| Siddhartha Gautama in Nepal. He lived a
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| | There I saw the four sights.
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| luxurious life with his wife, Princess
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| | MS: An old crippled guy, a diseased dude,
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| Yasodhara, till the age of twenty-nine,
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| | a decayed, nasty corpse, and an ascetic,
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| when he realized he'd never stepped foot
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| | right?
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| outside the palace gates and might
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| | B: The truth of life: that death,
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| actually like to take a look around.
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| | disease, age, and pain are inescapable.
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| Seeing poverty and death for the first
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| | Poor outnumber the wealthy, and the
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| time, he began to wonder not only how the
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| | pleasures of the rich eventually come to
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| other half lives, but how to attain a
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| | nothing.
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| state beyond birth, death, or even
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| | MS: That is deep. Though I'm not sure if
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| desire. (If it were me, I would have run
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| | I saw these things I'd leave all my
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| back inside to the grand buffet.)
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| | possessions -- and inheritance -- to
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| Leaving the palace behind, he dabbled for
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| | become a monk.
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| six years in meditation, extreme
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| | B: You may or may not choose to walk in
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| asceticism, and self-mortification,
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| | my footsteps. Remember that thousands of
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| rejecting them all for moderation. After
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| | candles can be lighted from a single
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| one particular stint of mind-blowing
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| | candle, and the life of the candle will
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| contemplation under a tree, he attained
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| | not be shortened. Happiness never
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| Enlightenment, and became known simply as
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| | decreases by being shared.
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| the Buddha. His spiritual awakening gave
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| | MS: Apparently -- Buddhas crop up like
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| him brilliant insight into the nature and
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| | weeds. Some say you're the seventh
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| cause of human suffering, and a knowledge
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| | Buddha, others the twenty- fifth, and
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| of how to become happy. The Buddha's
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| | maybe the fourth. Which are ya?
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| goal, then, was to teach his new
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| | B: The incarnation of a Buddha begins
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| philosophy to the masses -- or at least a
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| | long before his birth, and continues
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| few good men along the road.
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| | moons beyond his death. In fact, millions
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| The aim of Buddhism is to attain true
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| | of lives have walked the Bodhisattva path
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| enlightenment, or nirvana: a peaceful
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| | on the road to nirvana. If you want a
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| state where the individual is free from
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| | number, simply pick one, and I'll wear it
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| desire and self-consciousness. Passed
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| | on the back of my Buddha uniform.
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| down by oral tradition for hundreds of
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| | MS: OK, more importantly, who's the next
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| years after his death, Buddha (whose name
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| | one?
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| literally means "enlightened one" or
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| | B: Like I'd tell you. I can share this:
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| "awakened one") had a message of love as
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| | His name will be Maitreya, and he'll
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| the eternal rule, common sense, and
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| | appear after Shakyamuni's teachings have
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| focusing the mind on the present moment.
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| | disappeared from the world.
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| For the last fifty years of his life,
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| | MS: Yeah, that helps. Listen, I hope
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| Buddha spread the word through out India
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| | you're not offended by this, but I keep
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| to pretty much anyone who would listen:
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| | reading about how you were competent in
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| nobles, outcasts, common folk, and
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| | martial arts and hiked for miles each
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| leaders of other religious faiths. His
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| | day. So how come you were, ya know, so
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| philosophy was open to all, and he made
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| | fat?
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| thousands of converts during his travels.
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| | B: Yes, you are mistaking me for someone
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| The largest concentration of Buddhists in
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| | else.
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| the world today resides in eastern Asia.
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| | MS: The jolly, laughing Buddha with the
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| In India, Hinduism has absorbed many of
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| | potbelly. That's not you?
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| Buddha's ideas, and many Muslims believe
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| | B: I'm afraid you are describing a
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| Siddhartha is a prophet of Islam. Point
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| | character called Hotei, usually seen in
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| being, there's plenty of Buddha to go
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| | China. He is a representation of an
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| around . . . In fact, estimates put
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| | obese, medieval Chinese monk. I was quite
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| followers at around four hundred million,
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| | fit.
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| making Buddhism the sixth largest
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| | MS: Really? Well, can you clear up any
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| religion on the planet.
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| | other misconceptions about yourself?
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| Michael Stusser: I gotta say, you are one
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| | B: My eyes were blue, I had fine, curly
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| happy fella.
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| | hair -- yes, hair -- and rather than
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| Buddha: And for good reason: All that we
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| | being the chowhound you may have
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| are is the result of what we have
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| | imagined, I was indifferent to hunger,
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| thought. If a man speaks or acts with an
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| | environmental conditions, and all bodily
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| evil thought, pain follows him. If a man
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| | appetites.
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| speaks or acts with a pure thought,
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| | MS: So, no Pringles, then?
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| happiness follows him, like a shadow that
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| | B: No, thank you.
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| never leaves.
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| | MS: And if I rub your belly?
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| MS: That explains why my back is killin'
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| | B: Our interview will cease.
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| me, huh?
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| | MS: There are a lot of "nightstand
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| B: Those who are free of resentful
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| | Buddhists" -- freelance Buddhists looking
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| thoughts surely find peace.
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| | for a quick fix. Some inner peace. Is
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| MS: Speaking of peace, what do you think
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| | that cool with you?
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| of all the statues and key chains and
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| | B: There are only two mistakes one can
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| T-shirts of you in hipster gift shops?
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| | make along the road to truth: not going
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| B: If they bring about spiritual
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| | all the way, and not starting.
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| enlightenment, I'm happy to be the icon
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| | MS: You really are the real deal.
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| for self-reflection.
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| | B: Remember: Health is the greatest gift,
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| MS: But did you see the Buddha tankini
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| | contentment the greatest wealth,
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| from Victoria's Secret?
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| | faithfulness the best relationship.
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| B: So long as it is not toilet paper, I
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| | MS: I'm OK with a lot of this, but you
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| am at peace.
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| | were celibate from the age of twenty-nine
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| [There is a long, awkward silence. Two
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| | until your death. Is that part completely
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| more hours pass.]
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| | necessary?
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| MS: Ever hear of the band Nirvana?
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| | B: Believe nothing, no matter where you
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| B: A band of enlightened brothers?
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| | read it, or who said it, no matter if I
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| MS: No, a hard-rock group from Seattle.
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| | have said it, unless it agrees with your
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| B: I have many devoted followers in
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| | own reason and your own common sense.
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| Seattle.
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| | MS: Uh, it doesn't.
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| MS: Try and make 'em give up coffee,
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| | B: And it doesn't mean that you will ever
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| we'll see how long they stay enlightened.
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| | awaken from the slumber of ignorance in
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| B: Teach this triple truth to all: A
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| | this life or the next.
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| generous heart, kind speech, and a life
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| | MS: Sex just seems like one of those
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| of service and compassion are the things
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| | things that's on my mind a lot, that's
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| which renew humanity.
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| | all.
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| MS: Point well-taken. Say, odd question,
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| | B: However many holy words you read,
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| perhaps, but are you a god?
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| | however many you speak, what good will
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| B: I consider myself a guide -- a
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| | they do you if you do not act upon them?
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| teacher. But try and understand that
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| | MS: Or don't act, in this case.
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| there is no intermediary between mankind
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| | B: Remember this: What we think, we
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| and the divine. People create
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| | become.
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| distinctions out of their own minds and
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| | MS: Then right now I'm a triple tall
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| then believe them to be true. In the sky,
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| | vanilla latte. I'm going to assume you
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| for example, there is no distinction
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| | don't want one . . .
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| between east and west.
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| | [The Buddha is still and quiet.]
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| MS: Let's say I wanted to take a
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| | MS: Your last words were, "All things
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| beginner's Buddhism class. Where would I
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| | must pass away. Strive for your own
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| start?
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| | salvation with diligence."
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| B: The secret of health for both mind and
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| | B: Yes.
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| body is not to mourn for the past, nor to
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| | MS: Well, dude, that was a George
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| worry about the future, but to live the
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| | Harrison tune! From the Beatles?
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| present moment wisely and earnestly.
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| | B: Beetles, boars, men, and women can all
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| MS: To be honest, I'm thinking about all
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| | learn from my inner peace.
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| the errands I need to run this weekend.
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| | MS: All right, but I gotta get you this
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| I've got this bum lawnmower that --
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| | CD. There are some things even I can
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| B: Focus here, young man. The quiet. The
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| | teach the Buddha.
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| tea before you. The sun as it streams
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| | B: And let me turn you on to a state
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| into this room.
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| | beyond suffering, called true Nirvana.
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| MS: But so much of your focus is on
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| | MS: So you do dig music! That's awesome!
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| suffering. You're like a Jewish mother .
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| | B: You have much to learn. Of this I'm
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| . .
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| | sure.
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| B: Think of the suffering as identifying
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| | Copyright © Michael A. Stusser, 2007
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| the disease. First we diagnose the
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| | The above is an excerpt from the book The
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| problem, and more importantly, we
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| | Dead Guy Interviews by Michael A. Stusser
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| prescribe the cure.
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| | Published by Penguin; September
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| MS: More suffering?
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| | 2007;$14.00US/$16.50CAN;
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| B: Now it is you who are kvetching like a
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| | 978-0-14-311227-3 Copyright © Michael A.
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| Jewish bubbe. The road that leads out of
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| | Stusser, 2007
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| suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path.
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| | Author
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| MS: All right, give 'em to me.
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| | Michael A. Stusser is a Seattle-based
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| B: The Eightfold Path: proper
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| | writer and game inventor. His "Accidental
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| understanding, proper thought, proper
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| | Parent" column (ParentMap magazine)
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| speech, proper action, proper livelihood,
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| | recently won the prestigious Gold Award
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| proper effort, proper mindfulness, and
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| | from the Parenting Publications of
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| proper concentration.
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| | America. Stusser is a contributing writer
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| MS: I'm sorry, what was that last one?
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| | for mental_floss and Seattle Magazine,
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| B: Proper concentra -- HA! A joke from a
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| | and his work is frequently published by
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| young mind. This is a beautiful example
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| | Law & Politics, Yoga International
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| of proper effort, but your understanding
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| | Magazine, and Go World Travel Magazine.
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| is faulty. This will take time.
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| | Stusser is also the cocreator of The
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| MS: So the Buddha goes into a pizza shop
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| | Doonesbury Game with Garry Trudeau
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| and says, "Make me one with everything."
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| | (winner for "Best Party Game of the
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| [There is a long pause. Like, painfully
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| | Year," GAMES magazine, 1994); EARTHALERT,
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| long.]
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| | The Active Environmental Game; and Hear
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| MS: As a prince, you had it all. Your
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| | Me Out.
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| father, King Suddhodana, even arranged a
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| |
|
